Hey there. I know it’s been a while.

My sincerest apologies for falling off. Writing has been extremely difficult since last year’s presidential election.

It feels like every day is worse than the one before, like we’re stuck in a dystopian novel, or a nightmare that we can’t wake up from. My anxiety and depression have been crippling, and my flight or fight mode has been on nearly 24/7. I’ve been sleeping terribly, and plagued with stress dreams.

I’ve been trying to write. But I’ve been so locked up from fear and anger and shock that I haven’t been able to. Despite regular therapy sessions and all my best efforts, I’ve barely even been able to write private journal entries. So, writing for the public, especially for a site I started in the hopes of being a source of resilience and inspiration for others, has been crippling every time I’ve attempted it.

On top of the complete overwhelm, I’ve also been struggling with imposter syndrome. What could “little old me” possibly contribute that would be of value during such challenging times? I’m not an expert of any kind. I’m not a historian or a scientist, and even they are struggling to grapple with this new reality we find ourselves in. I’d beat myself up internally until the desire to express myself through the written word had withered on the branch.

I don’t need to clarify why I’ve been locked up internally. That’s how terribly complex, all-consuming, and horrific current times are. Everyone across the globe is feeling the flux of change, but especially so here in the good ‘ole US of A – and things are even more stressful if you’re an immigrant, person of color, woman, disabled, veteran, LGBTQ+, poor, elderly, chronically ill, or some other disenfranchised person or minority.

And this list is ever-expanding. Heaven forbid you disagree with the gross ideology being shoved down our throats. Even the historians and scientists are under attack.

Sadly, these problems aren’t going away anytime soon. Even if we were able to somehow completely stop all the greed, hatred, and delusion that’s pushing the world to the brink, we’d still be dealing with the fallout for decades, if not generations.

This isn’t me being pessimistic. I’m not saying all is lost. However, we are living in a different world from the one we were living in when I last posted to this blog – which was nearly a year ago to the day, I’m ashamed to say. But that’s okay, I’m not going to beat myself up for the time I took off, because sometimes we need to step away and incubate in order to properly process heavy grief.

And the grief that we’re all feeling is legitimate. The status quo has been upended, and the times they are a-changin’. We’ve cycled into a period of great struggle and upheaval. Just like the seasons, there are ebbs and flows to human history – which doesn’t repeat, but sure does rhyme. Human beings have been making the same mistakes and fighting over the same things since the dawn of civilization. If you’re a student of history, you can see the writing on the wall.

Winter is coming.

You thought the COVID pandemic was hard? Oh, my sweet summer child. The multifaceted issues currently facing the human race are so complex and urgent, they are going to require every ounce of tenacity, ingenuity, and compassion we can muster.

Further compounding matters is the hard truth that things are probably going to get worse before they start getting better. To quote The NeverEnding Story, “It has to hurt if it’s to heal,” and, “In the beginning, it’s always dark.”

The reality is, it’s going to be a long, hard road out of this hell we’ve put ourselves in.

Sigh…

How is one supposed to stay sane in the midst of all this insanity? How does one learn to accept such an unacceptable “new normal?”

Hey, wait a minute…where have I heard the phrase “new normal” before?
Oh yeah, that’s right – when I was dealing with the onset of my Fibromyalgia.

It’s a phrase that pops up repeatedly when researching a new Fibromyalgia diagnosis. Some variation of “learning to accept your new normal” can be spotted in everything from the names of online support groups to patient advocacy books. It’s used as a way to conceptualize the process of accepting new changes or limitations that a person didn’t have before becoming chronically ill and/or disabled.

Due to other health conditions that have been diagnosed since the onset of my Fibromyalgia in 2011, including Crohn’s, Sjogren’s Disease, and premature menopause, I’ve had to practice this acceptance of a “new normal” over and over again. So, I know firsthand how extremely challenging this process can be, and it’s one of the reasons why I started this blog in the first place. I have a strong desire to try and light the path ahead for those just starting out on their chronic illness journey, just like others did for me. I want to give back to this amazing, beautiful, resilient community however I can.

Well, now it seems our community has expanded. Most everyone is struggling to accept a “new normal” these days, and we’re all in desperate need of hope and inspiration.

And those of us stuck “on hard mode” need more support now than ever before.

So, despite what my Inner Critic says, I’ve started writing again. And I’m very excited to be getting back into it! I have a lot of ideas I’ve been looking forward to sharing for some time, and in light of this brave new world we live in, I’ll be including some new topics as well. Don’t worry though, this website isn’t going to get political (although thanks to the current administration, my very existence has become politicized). But I will be expanding the subject matter I initially planned on covering when I started this site.

For example, I plan to include posts related to community involvement, home and self-protection, urban and desert survival, and emergency preparedness – all specialized for those of us with chronic, complex health conditions and disabilities, since we are especially vulnerable during emergencies, and have complex support systems that must be accounted for in such situations.

Of course, if there’s anything else you’d like me to cover, please feel free to leave me a comment or buy me a coffee. I’m always happy to receive constructive feedback.

Last, but certainly not least, I’d like to thank the new followers who joined during my hiatus, as well as those who stuck around while I was gone. It’s an honor anytime someone decides to spend their time with me, but especially so when I wasn’t even creating fresh material at the time.

Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I will be more consistent again, and I’ll do my best not to let the muggles get me down.

How have you been holding up during this challenging time, dear reader?

Thanks for reading! Stay safe, and keep on truckin’…

– Renata Carmen